blood brothers and morning breath

Ever get the feeling that tomorrow you are going to wake up and have aged 18 years overnight? Some mornings I wake up and feel as though I have.
After I roll out of bed I make my way to the bathroom to take care of the mornings' duties. First of which is to put my contacts in.

I hate wearing my glasses. Hate. My eyes are probably deprived of their much needed oxygen since I wear my contacts as long as humanly possible each day but ever since my glasses mysteriously broke (when I threw them against the wall...who knew that would break them?) they are utterly uncomfortable. One side sticks out further and the same side likes to pop off. But they are a tool to allow me to read in bed before I turn in to sleep. This is their only function and I refuse to buy a new pair at this junction.

Back on track...at first glance in the mirror I assume that it is my glasses that are aging me visually in the mirror.
So the contacts go in.

Okay, so it wasnt the glasses...maybe it is just because my contacts went in with a painful sting and its before 7am and my eyes dont like the morning light so in retort they are putting up the picture of a blotchy face to get back at me.

Okay, so hopefully when I put my makeup on it will keep me from looking like the bride of Frankenstein any longer. I just hope that my MAC powder will cover the large black bags under my eyes. SIDE NOTE: How do I get rid of these wretched things?
It didnt. So lets just pray that wearing mascara, LOTS of mascara, will draw attention away from the sleep lines still on my face and the bags under my eyes and my newly forming crows feet. (aren't I too young for crows feet?)

There was an episode of A Different World where Dwayne and Whitley moved in together and Whitley would secretly get up before Dwayne and put makeup on and allow him to think that she looked fabulous all the time. It worked for awhile until he discovered what she was doing and told her how beautiful she was all the time, no matter the makeup.
While this is a great idea, what happens the one day I forget to get up early to look splended by the time my beloved gets up? He'll think I have the bubonic plague or malaria, rush me to a hospital only to find that my only problem is that I have morning breath and I still have toothpaste on my zit to attempt to dry it up.

This is the problem with living with someone else. They learn your little secrets.
After they learn them and commit them to memory you have to become blood brothers and pinky swear that they wont leave that room because if your other friends found that you still had to fall asleep with a night light on they may never let you forget it.

That reminds me, I have a mosquito bite scab I have to pick. There are a few more things I need to make sure are kept secret.