my token BlogHer jealousy post

I am just going to put it all out there.

Like a 16 year old girl in a motel room on prom night.

I am green with jealousy over everyones amazing BlogHer posts.

The pictures look amazing. The swag seems divine. Fun was had by all it.

This is a club I must get into. Yeah, I know its not a club. But I want in.

Like when my brother and his friends would make a 'boys only' club out in the little (girl) cottage playhouse (mine) we used to have in our backyard and of course I wanted in - who knew what I was missing out on!

So I would get in there and find out that they were only picking their noses and peeing in the corner of the cottage while the shutters were closed.

Okay, I am assuming that the BlogHer conference in Chicago was nothing like this...because it has to be better than it seemed. Nothing like my brothers 'boys only' club.

Because this 'girls only' club isn't girls only at all. It is full of super (mostly) intelligent bloggers who I envy, laugh at, pity and am generally delighted in everyday.

I just have to try and weasel my way into someones suitcase next year....

Shredded - Day 2

Jillian is a bitch.

A dirty dirty bitch.

My legs hurt so much today that I am not going to attempt to go down the two flights of stairs at work. I know for a fact that it would either take me 10 minutes or that I would fall and break my arm.

I will be riding in the elevator.

Seriously.

I am in that much pain.

It is a good pain because I know I am building muscle and losing weight.

But Jullian is still a bitch.

But since you dont get the body you want for free (Damnit! She's got me using her catchy weight loss phrases now. Bitch) ...I keep spending night after night with that bitch.

I will be giving my legs a much needed break tonight...and on the plus side I have already lost 3 pounds since last Tuesday. Most of that was from eating healthier so I am on the right track!

feeling shredded

Last night I jumped on the bandwagon.

Not the AA bandwagon - trying to drink my weight in Landshark after the Rib Off is the only thing keeping me going at this point.

The 30 Day Shred bandwagon.

I am totally a year behind the rest of the shredders who of course drive this wagon.

So for the most part the fad of this workout DVD has passed. Which is generally when I feel disgusting enough to join in.

Looking at the cover of the DVD is enough to scare me off. It in fact did for a week.

I was convinced her eyes were following me and not-so-secretly judging me for eating that snickers ice cream bar.

So I turned the DVD over. And her snarly smile angered me to the point of wanting to workout.

(yes, thats a lie! No one wants to work out!)

Last night I decided to confront her head on - gladiator style.

She totally won of course.

Bitch.

I blame it on the 2 previous years where I didn't so much as jog 3 steps if I didn't have to...where lifting included groceries and putting Brady into the crib at night...cardio became a 4 letter word and where I would enjoy a bowl full of mini-marshmallows each night as a pre-snack snack.

So...she kicked my ass.

And I will welcome her to do it every night this month.

Unlike last night I will not start each workout after a large bowl of Butter Pecan. So that just may help.

This is my getting in shape in order to get in shape month. After I am more confident in the little things I am doing in Shred I am conquer larger obstacles...like running...without dying on the side of the road.

So cross your fingers for me and wish me well.

I will be posting shred info each day...and if I am feeling gutsy Ill take some before/after photos. I think by gutsy I mean drunk.

Either way I know I can do this and I know that I can take these 10 pounds off without problems.

Well...

The only problem may be that sales are down for mini-marshmallows.

maki rolls are taking over my thoughts

My recent accident has been getting better every day and my holyfuckI'mtoobusytoothinkstraight weekend at work is over with so life is settling down for the time being.

Brady decided on his '2nd Birthday Theme'....Cars. So I bought a basket full of Cars shit that will inevitably break within moments of taking it all out of the packaging. Either way I am ahead of the game on this one - his party isn't until the last Sunday in August so this seriously cuts down on the last minute stress involved.

This weekend Jeff and I have decided to take Carah to Cedar Point for her first ever visit. Her eyes bugged out of her head when she heard we were taking her...she didn't know about all of the great children's activities and thought we were going to make her go on the HUGE roller coasters.

Nope.

We'll save that for the second visit.

Once again I am attempting to eat better.

Surprise, surprise.

Don't most women to on diets all the time?

I think I am going to call this my un-diet. I am not going to eat typical dietish food, I am going to eat what I want...but just try and cut down my portions.

I am not trying to loose the weight of an additional person...only the weight of a toy dog.

Maybe two toy dogs.

Three if they are the ridiculously small ones.

So I have purchased items that will make it easier for me to be smart and healthy.

I am going to start the 30-Day Shred.

I purchased lots of fruits and veggies.

And single serve portions of cheese to eat with said fruit.

Without putting up the whole shopping list...because snickers ice cream bars and m&m's ice cream sandwiches probably don't go along with the un-diet, just know that I am making a conscious effort.

I hate it when even my really lose comfy pants start pinching at the waist. The un-diet and the 30-day shred better start working soon.

While I sit and talk about food I am craving sushi, want to dig into my lunch even though its too early and there are two Reese's peanut butter cups sitting on my desk just begging to be eaten.

And I have decided that I will eat them. After my healthy lunch.

Ah....the un-diet is in full swing.

Happy Tuesday - I am going to look online for sushi...

rare form or proof I have a brain

My semi-clumsiness appears to be getting worse with age.

Last October I was fortunate enough to save numerous orphans from a fire...but injured my foot in the meantime and had to deal with this.

5 weeks in the boot was so much fucking fun I can hardly stand to think about it now without peeing myself a little.

I had managed to go over 7 months without some sort of injury without counting my tonsillectomy.

Then last Sunday night Brady took care of that one for me. Brady is a month away from being 2 years old.

2 year olds have heads of steel and stone.

Its a fact. Look it up.

Don't be fooled by this adorable little man...he is like a savage beast when confronted...

Sure, that's a flat out lie, he is truly all smiles and rainbows and loves giving kisses to puppies and cats.

Fine, so I was in the process of putting him to bed on Sunday when tragedy struck. I was holding him and he leaned his head waaaaaayy off to his side and I asked for a hug/kiss goodnight then..........WHAP!

He freakin head butted me! Not on purpose. No.

Well? No. Two year olds don't hold grudges, right? Because I did eat that cookie I promised to him last week. Think he remembers that?

With the top of his steel and stones head he hit me near my ear...long story short I went to the doctor and was diagnosed with a concussion...then had to get a CT just to make sure that he didn't seriously injure me. (He didn't)

I am just fine.

Except for the ear pain.

And the dizziness.

And the nausea.

And the fact that sitting upright or standing is constant work.

But other than that I am feeling just fine.

So my clumsiness streak was defeated - not by me this time but by this adorable monsters head. Looks so unassuming doesn't he?

Little did I know the dangerous position I put myself in just sitting next to him on the Pooh couch for this picture. I will be thinking twice before doing this again. Or be on FULL alert of where he swings his rocky head.

Now the question that everyone has asked has been...

'But, is Brady okay?'

Yes. That little punk is just freakin fine.

Seriously.

Not even a bump on his head.

I hope you people believe me that their heads are like concrete.

Watch the fuck out!

guilty pleasures or Oh, now I know why I am gaining so much weight

There are things you do as an adult that you do simply because you can.

You speed.

You smoke.

You drink.

You overeat.

You overspend.

You hold down the couch on your day off.

You play video games or watch movies for 7 hours straight while eating candy and junk food.

You get the picture.

The following are some of the things that I like to do...simply because I can.

I think of these as my guilty pleasures. I could easily live without them...but why would I want to?

I like to shop online, filling up my cart with the lavish things that I WANT, new shoes, shirts, pants...you name it and I put it in the cart. When I have had my fun I just close the browser and forget about it. I have realized over the past few years that I am an impulse shopper. Not with small items...with the big ones!

Totally dangerous. So this helps me to realize that I dont NEED any of these new items...only want.

I like to eat large, rich and totally thick and delicious cupcakes from Cake In A Cup - a local cupcake bakery. I go in to purchase two cupcakes; 1 for me and 1 for a friend.

Sike - they are both for me and I generally have them eaten by the time I get back to work.

I dont do this often, maybe 2 times a year, because they are crazy fucking expensive...and tasty.

I watch terribly trashy and stupid tv shows. I am in love with Gossip Girl. 90210. The Real World challenges. And many (many) others that you would just laugh at. Trash sells on tv.

Eating donuts. By myself. In front of the tv.

My favorite foods in the world: marshmallows, smores, cotton candy and fruit snacks. Seeing as there isnt a carrot or salad in the bunch...guess is no surprise why I am up 10 lbs. Seriously.

Hitting the snooze button each morning...about 8 times. Only to make me rush the ones I love to shave, shower, eat and get dressed - all because I wanted to sleep in. I only partly feel guilty about this b/c if they make me the owner of the alarm clock then everything goes on Schwartz time.

Having a small dinner so that I can have snacks later on.

Seriously this is sick that most of these are about food!

Okay, I am going to quit while I am ahead.

I need a beer. And some ice cream.

a waste of perfectly good snack crackers

It has been two week since we returned from Naples and I am really missing the relaxing atmosphere of the resort, the two swimming pools, the fact that I didnt have to work at all, the potential for seeing manatees in the waterways below.....but most of all I miss the maid service!

OOoops! I dropped a handful of Cheez-Its on the floor and there are crumbs everywhere!

Oh fucking well.

Well, I wasnt totally mean, I did pick up the larger crumbs.

And when Jeff shook out his bathing suit to find a million and a half tiny shells and sea creatures had taken up residence in them...he cleaned some of it up too.

We are completely nice when we travel.

We even made friends with our waitress, Eileen, when we ate at The Mangrove Cafe in Naples. They had the absolute best deal ever....any two entrees from their dinner menu PLUS 1 bottle of wine - all for only $25. And it was the best fucking meal we had when we were down there.

Here, Eileen has taken a lovely picture of us after we had stuffed ourselves on pork tenderloin and veal.

And since we've been home it is right back to business as usual.

Brady lazily spent one afternoon on his Pooh couch reading book after book after book.

If you notice he is reading this one upside down so we arent too sure how much he absorbed. But hey, he's trying. And he's not even two. So we cut him slack. Lots of slack.

And we are back to spending hours upon hours on the swingset. The perfectly free swingset. My moms neighbor gave it to us. Seriously just gave it to us...and it is in wonderful condition too! Totally the best deal we have gotten for house equipment!

And our lot is large enough that the kids have tons of room to run around.

Here the monsters adorable children are - posing for a picture - its what they do best.

But other than the normalities of life...things are either bat shit busy or paint drying boring.

Happy Monday~

75% and radiation

I took advantage of the Giant Eagle Breyers ice cream sale - picked up 6 containers for only $6!

Then I picked up 13 boxes of Kellogg's cereal for only $.50 per box! It isn't as fabulous as my free cereal deal in May but $.50 is much better than $4.

I managed to save 75% on my final bill and only paid $25.84...so amazing. Cannot believe I haven't been shopping like this for years now.

There isn't anything noteworthy going on this weekend unless you are as excited as I am that I am going to reorganize the stockpile storage pantry.

You say this bores you greatly?

Fine by me.

I get off doing sick shit like reorganizing closets and pantries. I have some fundamental defect that allows me to stare at empty shelves and see fun putting jars of spaghetti sauce in rows. And I would even spin this into a business if I could...I would come to your house and organize the fuck outta your closets, your garage and your dressers. I used to go over to my moms house and clean out her freezer/fridge and her pantry because they were so nasty to look at that I just couldnt take it anymore. Wasnt my house and she didnt mind the clutter. But I had to do it, like some twisted OCD ritual.

And it totally helps that I rock at it too.

If people think I am weird or just plain bat shit crazy because I like to have a plethora of food in the house as a fail safe then I guess I wont be inviting them over to dinner when the nukes drop and the only person on the block with enough food to last through the radiation stage where we all grow tails in the middle of our backs and our toes fall off is me...then fine. Wont make me loose sleep at night. Mostly because I think the radiation would make us nocturnal. Which would be SO much better for most women...we wouldnt have to wear as much makeup because almost everyone looks sultry in the moonlight.

And who doesnt want to look sultry with no toes and a tail while eating spaghetti, ice cream and cereal at 4am?

my stockpile goal

I think I have an up and coming future in the voice over industry.

I am the voice to the new 800 number Jeff set up to further market his listings.

In my head I totally sound like Cindy Crawford. In reality I sound like someone is choking a cat while promoting beautiful decks and spacious living rooms.

But Jeff doesn't mind and he has had numerous (2) complaints compliments on whoever does his voice work.

I am not quitting my day job as of yet. Unless we win the lotto. I did win $5 last month...which is totally going into the vending machine at work today.

Speaking of money we are doing a fabulous job stockpiling food for next to nothing.

I have a different price point for each food and luckily I can remember them all as I hop from store to store for the deals.

I don't pay more than $.25 for a tube of toothpaste, $.25 for shampoo, $.50 for cereal...you get the idea. How can I get that price? The grocery stores I visit double most coupons giving me amazing savings - pair that with a killer sale and you have super mega cheap food.

As of now we have a supply of over 50 single serving instant mac and cheese cups, 8 bottles of shampoo for Jeff, 8 tubes of toothpaste, more Kraft salad dressing than I can count - same with BBQ sauce and A1...we are beyond stocked in so many areas that I cannot even list them all here.

Why would I want to keep so much food and toiletries around?

Well, for one...to save money. I got all of these items for free or next to free.

I have the space available in the mud room to store them until we need them...I have also been generous and given some away to Jeff's mom, my mom and even my brother.

Since I receive these items for free or next to nothing I am able to pick up a couple at a time - lessening the amount of time I have to get them in the future while picking it up at a fabulous price. I still pay full price for most dairy and the necessities like meat.

But I try and buy smart on those items as well.

Couponing isn't a fad, it isn't for the poor or unemployed...it is for anyone willing to maximize their shopping dollar and create a food stockpile that will sustain them through rough times.

Now Jeff and I are not hoping for unemployment or the housing market to turn even more. Nor are we stockpiling to prepare for a nuclear war or bird flu. We believe in couponing and stockpiling to provide for our family in the most cost effective way possible. This has lessened our grocery spending drastically over the past three months and I am thrilled.

We used to spend anywhere from $100 - $150 each WEEK on groceries and necessities for our family of 4. That is $600 a month on food! What a waste!

Now we probably spend about half of that or less during a busy month. Our must buy list each week has gone down..I don't have to write toothpaste, shampoo, pasta, pasta sauce...on our list anymore. And I am looking forward to hooking up the side by side fridge in the garage to be able to stockpile even further!

Funny enough - I say 'we' stockpile...in this post we means I and I alone. He fully supports me in my nutty couponing so I guess we is an us. He doesn't even make fun of my coupon binder anymore.

Either way, I do the work and he reaps the rewards - lucky duck!

Here is what I would envision for my stockpiling future...a basement or large laundry room where I can set up in the following manner:

Nope, I am not nuts...I just don't see the need in paying full price when I can 'shop' from the stockpile I purchased for free!

How do you stockpile now?

Any items you cannot get enough of?

headed to America's roller coast

Tonight is the first night we experience my Christmas gift...yes, it really has taken us this long to find an evening to go to Cedar Point.

So pathetic in so many ways.

The park has been open for almost 2 months. 2 freakin months.

I keep telling myself that it is alright because those first few months are full of vacationers and high school kids.

The best time to experience Cedar Point is in the evenings and in the fall during Halloweekends.

This is way more than just an 'amusement park'. They have EVERYTHING.

Including my favorite ride of all time...Raptor.

July 1 in effect

July 1.

Jeff's birthday - HAPPY BIRTHDAY JEFF!

First day back at work after vacation.

I am sure that to most people this would mean returning phone calls and answering emails.

Nah, not to me.

It means that I have time to print coupons from my work printer so I dont have to buy new ink at home.

The vacation was highly memorable and the weather was 101 when we arrived...cooling off to the high 90's so as to not kill us.

We spent time at the beach and got nasty red seaweed in places that the sun dont shine. (there really is nothing quite as fun as showering with your significant other and picking red seaweed out of and off of their body)

We sunned ourselves next to the waterfall and on the lazy river at the resort and we took in some local sightseeing.

The actual trip part of the trip was too short. The drive was too long. But it was a good time and the food was killer for the most part.

Back to real life...