Thursday, August 28, 2008

Free Food

We have a retreat coming up for work. It is on a random Tuesday, during working hours, so we all will be forced to attend. And it is the entire department of Institutional Advancement. This is a lot of people that typically never converse on a daily basis. Okay, make that a weekly and maybe even monthly basis.

Most of them I will say hello to when passing in the hallway...then I turn to my fellow coworker and ask 'who was that again?'. Without fail I forget their name within moments.

They are luring us downtown to The Toledo Club with the promise of a free breakfast and lunch. They know exactly how to get us. The free food department. It seems that everyone around here uses food to lure us to celebrate something or work on something.

We often have free food in the Alumni office. For example we always celebrate a birthday in the office with a cake at our weekly meeting.

In September alone we have 4 birthdays. I am going to be starting on my winter fat suit early this year.

Two weeks ago it was free pizza to say farewell to a coworker. We all like said coworker. Not the issue. I dont really know that we would have rallied together and made her give us a farewell speech if there wasnt the promise of a free lunch from Gino's.

Either way, she thinks we love her unconditionally. When in reality it might have been the pizza.

For the afformentioned retreat we receive an email last week with the following request:

In an attempt to get to know everyone better and have a little fun in the process, we are going to have an activity at our retreat that I will need everyone’s assistance with. Please send me something special about yourself that people might be surprised to know (examples: I grow orchids as a hobby; Woody Hayes recruited me; I am a certified scuba diver; I am a state champion archer…..)

We will be reading these statements at the retreat and everyone will get a chance to guess who it is. I am going to keep these a secret so that I will be the only one with all the answers.
Thanks…and we want to hear from everyone

Wow, right?

This is quite obviously one of those office workers who just loves doing fun little 'getting to know you games' during meetings.
This kind of stuff makes me sick to my ass.

But this did get me thinking of what my statement is going to be.

**crickets chirping**

Yeah, I have no clue what to say.

I actually have a lot of interesting things about me that I could offer to the group, but I am not sure that they are PC for a department retreat.

What do you think they would think of these?

---I like to dig the lint that collects in my belly button each day and I am saving it all to knit a sweater.

---I wore a dress made entirely made of duct tape to my senior prom.

---I used to wear my jeans backwards just like Kriss Kross.

---I keep my vintage collection of slap bracelets on display in the family room.

---My cats are in my will.

---I clear my ears of wax buildup using a ballpoint pen, who needs to spend money on Q-tips?

(okay, I am not as weird as I let on, only a few of these are true)

(yeah, none of them are true)

But I still have no idea what to tell these people. One persons 'interesting' is another persons lame. I have a feeling this entire meeting will be 'interesting'. I am eagerly looking forward to it.

I will show up and eat their promised food. I can almost guarantee that I will still forget all of their names but I will remember what I ate. The power of food.

Wednesday, August 27, 2008

its BIG all around

It is a random night at home...I'm sitting in my comfy clothes scanning the listing of shows on television tonight.

Nothing sparks my interest.

I go into the kitchen to grab a diet coke and a box of cookies (I'm a health nut). And Stephen King did tell me that diet pop absolves all of the calories in junk food.
I am busy testing his theory.

I glance at the tv from the kitchen to see if anything interesting has come up hasn't.


Did that just say polygamy?
I turn to channel xyz as soon as the dying batteries in the remote control will let me.

YES! It did say polygamy!

After this I am glued to the program and scan the channel to see if there is more coming up this week about polygamy.

You can also insert the phrase 'Families with 18 children' into these sentences instead and I would be equally amused for hours.

So when HBO came out with the series Big Love I was intrigued. But my household doesn't pay for HBO's services at this time so I hadn't ever seen an episode. I recently rented the first part of the first season and I was instantly hooked! I am onto the second part of the first season (don't even get me started on this fiasco).

For those who don't know what Big Love is:

Think having three wives is a dream come true? Find out how Bill Henrickson, a modern-day Utah polygamist who lives in suburban Salt Lake City balances his three wives, seven children, and a mounting avalanche of debt and demands.

I took the quiz yesterday to see which wife I would be. First wife, Barb, second wife, Nicki or third wife, Margene.

The quiz stated that I would be.......first wife, Barb! yeah!! This excited me (as much as being a numbered wife can excite a person) because she is in charge of the money distributed, schedule and she has an outside job.

I am contemplating ordering HBO for the run of the Big Love season when the third season starts. But first I plan on locking the doors, taking the phone off the hook and devouring the remainder of the first season and all of the second season between tonight and Friday. When I surface for daylight I will fill you in on who is doing what (we already know who is doing who...rimshot! Or should that be whom? Whatever.) and how much more my love for this illegal phenom has grown.

Don't get me wrong. I am not pro-polygamy by any means. Its just that watching this show and their fucked up ways has made my life feel oh so normal. Thank you Big Love, thank you.

Monday, August 25, 2008

you read good

I have been invited to join the book webpage goodreads. I have added a few of the books that I am currently reading and I can see what my friends on the site thought of the books they are reading as well. Since I know a schload of avid readers I thought that I would invite them to join me on this site and share the books you know and love. Or you can let us know what you are reading now or plan to read next.

I am already enthralled in the site and find myself looking through the books my friends have read to see what I am in the mood for.

I dont by any means consider myself a great reader.

My grandma, Pat, she is a fabulous reader. She can knock out a paperback in a short number of hours. Grandpa, Jim, watches FOXnews, and she reads. It has worked well for their marriage actually.

I do have a fondness for reading though, always have.

I was that kid in Jr. High that didnt know the popular songs on the radio because I was too busy reading in the car and at home to pay attention to the radio. I think I was one of the only Jr. High students that had successfully read the Lord of the Rings book (and understood it).

Reading is such a wonderful escape. It can transport you to the past, the future, different dimensions, economic backgrounds, continents and everywhere else imaginable.

Whether you enjoy reading the paper, magazines (ME!) or old fashioned books...give your brain a workout today, read something.

Or at very least turn the sound off on your tv so the closed captioning comes up. I guess that counts as reading too. Then you could at least combine two of my favorite things, tv and reading.
Yeah, it counts. Good for you.

Wednesday, August 13, 2008

Ode to my new BFF

I have a new Olympic favorite. We are new best friends, she just doesnt really know it yet. It could be because we have never and will probably never meet. But either way, we are BFF's until the end.

Shawn Johnson.

She is only 4'8'' but she has the most amazingly muscular body! She is fabulous on the balance beam...I cannot even begin to describe the precise moves she completes and the way in which she carries herself.

I will say that hers is what my body used to resemble (Hey, I can dream!) when I played soccer like it was my job. I am beyond envous of her strength. And she is such a cutie with a great attitude. I am rooting for Shawn to win a medal in the woman's individual all-around!

Tuesday, August 12, 2008

the illusion of control

This has always been one of my favorite Story People stories.

If you hold on to the handle, she said, it's easier to maintain the illusion of control. But it's more fun if you just let the wind carry you.

So when I received an email saying that this story was one of four chosen to adorn their new line of tote bags, and since I have a bit of a bag fettish, I had to have it. Plus it was the blue bag and blue happens to be the best color in the world.

Here is the bag in all of its glory

There are 4 different colored bags each with a fabulous story. You can view them all here:

I have a few Story People prints and can only dream of affording or even placing a sculpture of theirs in my house someday. Brian Andreas is a genius. They also have a blog that you can view on my blog roll over here -------------------------------------------->>>>

Monday, August 11, 2008

blood brothers and morning breath

Ever get the feeling that tomorrow you are going to wake up and have aged 18 years overnight? Some mornings I wake up and feel as though I have.
After I roll out of bed I make my way to the bathroom to take care of the mornings' duties. First of which is to put my contacts in.

I hate wearing my glasses. Hate. My eyes are probably deprived of their much needed oxygen since I wear my contacts as long as humanly possible each day but ever since my glasses mysteriously broke (when I threw them against the wall...who knew that would break them?) they are utterly uncomfortable. One side sticks out further and the same side likes to pop off. But they are a tool to allow me to read in bed before I turn in to sleep. This is their only function and I refuse to buy a new pair at this junction.

Back on first glance in the mirror I assume that it is my glasses that are aging me visually in the mirror.
So the contacts go in.

Okay, so it wasnt the glasses...maybe it is just because my contacts went in with a painful sting and its before 7am and my eyes dont like the morning light so in retort they are putting up the picture of a blotchy face to get back at me.

Okay, so hopefully when I put my makeup on it will keep me from looking like the bride of Frankenstein any longer. I just hope that my MAC powder will cover the large black bags under my eyes. SIDE NOTE: How do I get rid of these wretched things?
It didnt. So lets just pray that wearing mascara, LOTS of mascara, will draw attention away from the sleep lines still on my face and the bags under my eyes and my newly forming crows feet. (aren't I too young for crows feet?)

There was an episode of A Different World where Dwayne and Whitley moved in together and Whitley would secretly get up before Dwayne and put makeup on and allow him to think that she looked fabulous all the time. It worked for awhile until he discovered what she was doing and told her how beautiful she was all the time, no matter the makeup.
While this is a great idea, what happens the one day I forget to get up early to look splended by the time my beloved gets up? He'll think I have the bubonic plague or malaria, rush me to a hospital only to find that my only problem is that I have morning breath and I still have toothpaste on my zit to attempt to dry it up.

This is the problem with living with someone else. They learn your little secrets.
After they learn them and commit them to memory you have to become blood brothers and pinky swear that they wont leave that room because if your other friends found that you still had to fall asleep with a night light on they may never let you forget it.

That reminds me, I have a mosquito bite scab I have to pick. There are a few more things I need to make sure are kept secret.