Friday, February 15, 2008

12 step program

Hello, my name is Schwartz and I am addicted to subscribing to magazines. I have no shame in this and I will subscribe to almost any decent looking magazine. I like to pretend that magazines are books, just in picture form. I love going to the mailbox, peeking inside to see if any ugly bills are going to jump out and snap at me. Once I know the coast is clear I then open it further to discover the USPS man has brought me 3 magazines in one day! The magaines makeany number of bills obselete at this point. This is the jackpot here folks! I love the feel of a magazine that has never been cracked open. I love the glossy pages. I love the reccomendations of items to purchase. I love reading about women helping other women. I love looking at the ads in magazines. I love pretending that I know what is fashionable. I love it all.

Now, I have not counted up the number that I receive in the mail each month but I am fairly certain that it is over 15. Lets pretend that they are all $12 per year (of course a few of them are much more than this, but in order to maintain sanity on a Friday we are pretending they are all a flat rate) to have the USPS drop them off in my mailbox saving me from purchasing them with my groceries (and thereby saving me the embarassment of wanting to know 'Which celebrities have had plastic surgery' and 'What celebrities look like with cellulite' or the ever popular 'How celebrities lose weight') then I am spending approximatly $180 per year on magazines.

I would much rather be addicted to magazines than to say....cocaine, pot or even alcohol. I think that $180 per year is actually quite reasonable for an addiction! In fact I think that if I divide the $180 per year by 12 months in a year to make sense of it then I am only spending $15 per month! Well, I think that I can easily afford more entertainment with this kind of value!
Here are a few of my 'can't life without' magazines. They all come with a Schwartz stamp of approval, so pick one up at your local bookseller, grocery or drug store and join in the fun. Plus then you can gossip with me about celebrity diet methods.

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