A pirate seemed like a cool job as a kid but I never was allowed to cap my teeth gold. Naturally it took away from the overall effect.

Nope.

Not time for changes just yet.

Quality changes take money time.

And lovely drunken binges to come up with neat-o fonts and buttons and links.

Creativity is something that I have.

In spurts.

Link bad gas from eating too much cabbage and nervous facial ticks.

Plus most people don't take sound advice or ideas from a kid with an eye patch.

That is what most kids remembered me for in elementary school.

Yup.

Not my sense of humor...shortness of stature...or even my ability to entertain a crowd of girl scouts by eating oatmeal cream pies whole at the age of 5.

My pink plastic glasses with hearts in the corners (it was 1986) and my eye patch were classy in the era of the cabbage patch kid, teddy ruxpin and Jem and the Holograms (not to mention Saturday morning cartoons in general which absolutely rocked...not like the shit they put on tv today).

Luckily my mom thought I was cool.

And she had enough brains to never take any pictures of this awkward time b/c I would have to cut her right index finger off or something.

Second thought.

I would have to hire someone for finger cutting...there is bone to be cut through and I don't know if I have the stomach for that.

I think that may be something that would cause me to lose my bowels.

Again, much like cabbage I guess.

Either way I am headed forward...balls out kinda style.

I am sure it will resemble Tara Reid flashing everyone her boob at PDiddy's birthday.

All *surprise* with jazz hands to make it a bit more exciting.