sex should be common sense at this point if their brain wasnt as small as a fun size snickers

I came across this ad in a magazine a few weeks ago and quickly realized that this was one of the funniest things I had ever seen.

Seems like a no-brainer, right?

Ugh, birds...always making things difficult.

Ocober 14 - national Dessert Day...think Ill celebrate with a new shirt

It's no surprise that I like to shop.

Groceries, gifts, socks, deodorant, cars....I like to shop for it all.

Doesn't matter if it is in a mall, a drug store, thrift shop or online.

Shopping is shopping.

It also isn't a secret that if I want something I just go out and buy it.

Screw waiting until its my birthday or Christmas...buying it for yourself ensures that you have it (and have the correct size and color)

When I am out shopping and I see something affordable and in my size I'm all like "Happy Tuesday! Here's a new pair of pants!"

Tuesdays or (insert other day of the week or other ludicrous reason to purchase anything) are always something to celebrate.

And some people utterly suck at buying gifts.
Even when you supply then with a brand name, color and size of exactly what you want and exactly where to get it.

And some people always like to buy you 'things' when what you really want is to have a gift card so you can go out and shop for what you want.

Either way I like to shop. This is what makes me so hard to buy for I am told.

Whatever. That's your problem.

One of the ways that I am able to afford my shopping is by couponing and searching for sales. I rarely purchase anything at full price. I do pay full price when an item is truly necessary or when I am in a pinch.

Even at the Coach store I do not pay full price.

Yes, I openly admit it. I am a Coach bag-aholic.

I love them.

But that is an entirely different subject.

And one of my favorite things to do is to pre-buy gifts with said sales.
I already have all of my office Christmas gifts purchased and all for only $2 each. But it all retails for $19.

Instead of spending $133 I spent $14.

So I saved $119 by looking out for the best deals.

So, yes I randomly purchase items for myself and for my family...but it is done by seeking the best deal or saving the purchases for gifts later on.

Which I am hideous at...the waiting part...Once I have a gift for someone (and it rocks!) then I have a hard time trying to waiting a month to give it to them.

Its the thought that counts, not when the gift is given, right?

I have to get going...there is a sale on shampoo at Kroger I don't want to miss.

best HC ever and the new me is far too busy to put the proper time into catching up on my tv viewage, so I watch at work

Homecoming weekend here at the U has come and gone...almost as if it never happened.

The only remnants that it even happened are the Homecoming banners that are still strewn around campus, the big L that went on the football teams record and my office continues to be littered with midnight blue and gold paraphernalia.

The weekend went off without a hitch. Everything was darn near perfect.

The Homecoming Gala I planned was amazing. People raved about the decorations and even paid to take them home with them. The boss's boss told us yesterday that this was the best Homecoming he has been to. Total kudos to me.

It felt damn good...not like I am a glory hog or anything but sincere compliments are hard to come by in this neck of the working world.

And I could totally be a glory hog.

If they ate pizza.

And diet coke.

On the couch at home.

The new work me has to be ready to fill in for the boss and be completely on top of things most of the time. The old me likes to read blogs and print coupons during the day.

I am trying to find a balance of the two that makes the boss think I am still doing a great job.

The new me has to fill in for the boss at a meeting of his tonight...and this cuts into my couch time.

My couch time is my ME time.

While I spent the weekend working I noticed that I am frightfully behind in my tv watchin'. I need a good weekend of drunken excitement, naps, DVR watching and laziness.

I am imposing a 'no family' rule this weekend. No dinners or lunches or trips to go anywhere with the extended family.

Only couch, beer, food and scrumping.

On another note I went for a 1 mile jog a few weeks ago and it gave me shin splints for 5 days after...I think I am still trying to psych myself back up to do it again. Unfortunately this doesnt fit into my lazy weekend plans and does go along with my idea to create a skittles, m & m's and marshmallow creme casserole for brunch on Sunday.

Either way Ill get my fill of the necessities.

hell has nothing on homecoming

You hear the word homecoming and you probably think high school dances with your current boyfriend who you will 'totally be with, like, forever' and your dress you and your friends went out and bought with your saved up birthday money and an entire paycheck from best buy when you were a cashier there. It was going to be a magical night where you danced with your sweetheart and planned your future, all with your closest group of friends nearby...

Or you think of college.

You remember beer.

You remember puking in the backseat of your friends cousins girlfriends car and then being fine the rest of the night, but still getting the stink eye from her for the upchuck.

And you remember something about tailgating and then blacking out...

Now that I work for the U Homecoming takes on a whole new meaning.

I never thought of all of the behind the scenes work that it took to run those events.

Alumni see all of the hokey school colored bologna....they don't seem to remember that it probably took the staff MONTHS to plan the events.

This year we started the advanced planning in January.

No fucking joke.

My department heads up some of the biggest events on campus that weekend.

We have a Homecoming Gala, a large parade and an even bigger tailgate where we give away food for free.

And the staff member that typically handles them all is...on maternity leave.

So we chopped up her duties and we each have something new to tackle.

Mine = the Homecoming Gala.

400 people.

Seated dinner for all.

U President, U trustees and other various U important people.

Decorations.

Dealing with stupid alumni who have trouble understand simple instructions.

And its in two days.

15 hour days are calling my name...

Which means that, generally, in two days I will have some of my life back.

Exciting, no?

But in the meantime I pretend that I want the football team to win. I pretend I care how many people show up at the tailgate tent. And I also care that our alumni aren't happy. Even though I went to my U's rival school I pretend that I don't care what they are doing.....as if.

I wonder what ever happened to my old high school dresses that I just had to have...they are probably a nest for some baby opossums up in my moms attic at this point. At least my hard earned 16 year old money is still being put to good use.

And at least they were not puked on.

By me.

Happy 101st!

October 5...basically means nothing to you. It just reminds you that there are only 81 shopping days left before Santa shimmeys down your chimney.

October 5 is such a huge day in my family.
It is my Great Grandpa's 101st birthday today.

Seriously.

101 years old.

He still walks, talks in complete sentences, knows everyones name and where they work and their best friends hair color, remembers EVERYTHING, he understands politics better than I do and he is one bad ass mother fucker.

Albert Dwight Featheringill (he's called Dwight, he didnt care for the name Albert)
is a 5'4'' man with a stocky build.
He has always had a loving word for his family and used to grow the prettiest and most bountiful roses I have ever seen.

Last night we went to Smokey Bones for a 101st birthday dinner treat. I know he just wanted to go out to eat and I don't particularly know how we ended up there.
He wanted oysters. Yeah, they don't really specialize in the seafare...so he got breaded shrimp.
One thing was for certain.
He was entitled to a drink.

A hard drink.

He had ordered an old fashioned before the waitress had even finished asking him what he wanted to drink.

I have played the role of horrible great granddaughter for the past few years...I stopped getting him cards and just doubled up on the hugs and kisses.
Which in great grandpa terms is probably just fine.
He can't really read the cards anyways.

My mom always gets him shirts or sweaters. And I guess she thinks my grandpa has to be all GQ in the assisted living place.
She bought him two Ralph Lauren Polo shirts. Yeah, and one has a HUGE motherfucking polo dude on it. She starts to explain to him what polo is. I quickly interrupted her...um, mom...grandpa was alive when polo was invented. No explanation needed.


Either way.
Happy Birthday to my Great Grandpa!

He seriously thinks he will be around until 2020. Seriously.
He is the shit.