future inventions

1. NyQuil for babies and children. Nuf said.

2. Cars that drive themselves so you can catch a few extra zzz's on the way to work. With more comfortable back seats that fold down into a bed like apparatus.

3. Not really an invention but I could sure use an errand boy. Or girl, I am not trying to gender stereotype. I need a laborer. There.
Sounds like I'm trying to give birth over here. What I really want is someone to go out in this foot of snow we have to grab me another bag of mini marshmallows so I have something to snack on tonight while Jeff and I watch a scary movie that I now forget the name of. Oh, and while my laborer is there I want them to pick up a box of wart removers. I think I found one on my finger. I have thoroughly tried to pick it off and now it hurts when water touches it. Or fabrics of any kind. Or air. So lets kill this little fucker.
The labor company phone number could be 1-800-LABORER.
It fits oh so nicely. It is a no brainer.

Since this isnt a state in the SW corner of America we dont have groups of unemployed illegals sitting on the side of the road waiting to paint our houses and rebrick our front walks we need this kind of thing.
The SW has everything. Fuckers with their beaches and wineries and oceans. They have laborers too. Ooooo, its so glamorous in the SW.

4. Longer weekends. What kind of a fuck stick came up with the idea of a 5 day, 40 hour work week?

5. Again, not an invention, but there should be a law that states that you have to take a test or qualify to have children. Or at least not be a total dumbass. These poor kids further your dumbassery by witnessing your daily dumbassing and thinking its normal. No, Cletus, your half sister/second cousin is NOT supposed to be making advances and obscene hand gestures to you.

6. Powerful drugs that help you sleep throughout the entire night without waking up. With no 'hangover'. And no high costs involved with it. Better yet, make it free. And find a way to help me stop peeing 2 times in the middle of the night every fucking night.

7. Less snow.

5 out of 9 staffers agree

I work in a fairly small office at the University. Large building...small alumni office. We have only 9 staff members.

And out of 9 staffers there are 5 of us with Jeep Grand Cherokees.

What was that?

Yes, you heard me right. I went car shopping last weekend.

I am now the proud owner of a 2006 Jeep Grand Cherokee, 65th anniversary edition. Which means it has a few fun extras like a moon roof, heated seats and a bigger engine. Totally awesome.

A 2006 is a huge step up from my 1996 Infiniti (RIP). And I had to sign my poor girl over to the junk yard to scrap her out for parts. So sad. But we had a great run together and she will always be missed.

You dont think its normal for people to become so attached to their cars? Well, you suck and you are wrong.

But my new car is the shit. I am still in the phase where driving it is such a joy that I wish I could drive it everywhere.

Of course this will pass. But until then here is my new beauty. Well its not exactly her, but this is her long lost sister, same color and all...

welcome to 1997

I have morphed back into a 16 year old girl.

*My body is a rock from high school soccer.
*My hair is blonde.
*I am the same height though, I haven't grown an inch since I was 12 years old.
*My right leg is in a full leg brace from my second knee surgery in 2 years.
*And I am still embarrassed that my mom has to drive me to school because I am not even allowed to bend my leg yet.

*boobs? Not so much.
*Crutches were my best friend in the mid-1990's.
*I am reading books for fun like its my job.

Now in the reality of 2009 things have changed.

*I do not have a rock for a body. If it is a rock it is a rock made of a pudding type substance. It holds its shape if stood upright, but if I lean over, then everything shifts to one side. Its a chocolate/vanilla swirl pudding.
*My hair is dark brown with red highlites.
*Still haven't grown. Its always fun when 8 year olds are taller than I am.
*I have now had 3 knee surgeries, more than most elderly people have had total. I think I am not up to 8 surgeries overall. Jealous much?
*I am still embarrassed when my mom has to drive me around...more so that I am upset that if I die when she is driving the first thing that people will notice is that she drives as if she was a hunchback and that she has a love of Sheryl Crow that is unnatural. It could be my distaste for Sheryl Crow, but nevertheless, I would be embarrassed. And dead.

*boobs. Nuf Said.

*I am still reading for fun like its my job.

A recent book series has brought back my love for reading every night. Instead of watching tv. I think that the holiday break in new tv shows to fill my DVR helped this along, but I have been a fool for reading.
In the past it has been an obsession with Harry Potter that is frequently brought back to life when a new movie is released.
It has also been V.C. Andrews books when I was in Jr. High. The way she had some extremely soft core porn written into the plot lines was key to a 11/12 year old girl. The incest also made it fun to read.
Of course I have been a fan of the flighty chick lit books. They make it easy to read an entire book in one sitting.
I have also been a fan of environmental books. They peak my interest from my college studies and make me feel smart. Real smart.

Now it is namely the Twilight series of books by Stephenie Meyer.
A dear friend of mine purchased the first book in the series for me while I was recovering from surgery and I have been hooked ever since. I have had the series on my goodreads.com to-read list for awhile now but just hadn't gotten around to it.
I read the first book in 2 drug-induced days and didn't stop reading until I had all 4 books finished. I even drove across town to pick up the 3rd book when 2 stores were out of it near my home.

So I am hooked. More than hooked. I might even go so far as to say utterly obsessed. I have had dreams about this book. No clue why and I dont remember half of them (the dreams, not the books) but I, for some reason, cannot stop thinking about these books.

My dear friend and I saw the Twilight movie last Saturday night. No, it is not as good as the book (no movie ever is) but we decided we had to see it again. Tonight. (nerd alert)

See, I am morphing back into a 16 year old girl. What the hell is wrong with me!?

I know that the book has a strong mormon undertone to the kissing, touching and sexual tension between the two main characters. And whatever, tomato/tomato. Look at all of the books/movies that have a strong catholic undertone...I still see those movies and read those books. Religion is specific for everyone and who am I to judge.

There are few keys things that have me entranced with this series.

The setting of the Pacific Northwest. I have lived out there and visited about a hundered and seventeen times and I would live there in an instant if I could. Beautiful doesnt even begin to describe that area.

The way that the main characters, Edward and Bella, have a love at first sight reaction to each other. Sure he would just as easily kill her and feed from her warm blood, but its not like that. It seems so easy to understand but for some reason it strikes a deeper chord within me. I love the way he is protective of her, the way their love evolves along with their relationship and their strong family ties.

Either way I am 16 again and simply giddy about this series. Luckily I have found a friend who is just as nerdy as I am about them to share my shock and wonder.

not the best start to the year

Last Friday I was in an accident.

With a light pole.

No, I am not one of those stupid female drivers that was reapplying her mascara or putting lipstick on using my rear view mirror. No texting or talking on the phone. Not even singing to the radio.

I was just driving.

I turned the steering wheel to vear to the right on this winding street. My car thought otherwise.

Which is where I met the light pole.

My memory from this event that will always be with me will be the hideous smell/taste of airbags. I have never been in an accident that warrented my airbags to defend me against my car but this one was a forceful impact. Just to let you know...they fucking smell horrible.

My car. My loving and wonderful car is now gone. Toast. Wrecked.

It is a 1996 Infiniti G20, built like a tank, heavy for its size which made it stellar in the snow. I owned this car for 11 years. 11 glorious years without a car payment. Now...it is time.

So goodbye dear car. You served your purpose, time for me to move on.

But on the bright side of things this means that I get to purchase a new or new to me car. Which excites me greatly. I have been eyeing a few cars but who knows what I will actually end up with. All I know is that it has to happen soon, there is only so long one can borrow their mothers car while she is in Florida.

Until then, here is what I have been checking out...

Nissan Rogue

Nissan Murano

VW Tiguan

2009 - The year of the Ox

Yeah. The Ox. Sounds sexy doesnt it?
I was born during the year of the Rooster. Why is it that the Chinese zodiac is named after some kinda disturbing animals? Its not that Tiger and Dragon scare me. No, its sheep. Sheep. That scares me.

Either way...Happy New Year to everyone. I just remembered that I posted my 2008 New Years Resolutions last January. I dug them out and realized that I didnt accomplish them all as I had hoped.
So once again, as everyone likes to do, here are my 2009 Resolutions. Or goals. Here are my 2009 Goals.

1. Save more money. I need to be dilligent about this. It is always ruined by car trouble, bills or a great pair of pants I saw that I needed to get.

2. Take a couple of Florida trips. This seems to be the year of Florida for us. I won a free trip to Naples Bay Resort and it has come to our attention that we are desperate to get out of Ohio, if even for a long weekend. We also may visit my moms new Florida house for the Christmas holiday this year. Which would be a fantastic change of pace for us, plus we would get to see the Florida side of the family, always a bonus.

3. Try out new recipes each month. My rotation of dinners got a tad stale near the end of the year as to be expected, since I didnt put much thought into it. I have too many recipes saved up to try to even begin to count so I am going to breeze through them this year, adding to my culinary expertise.

4. In keeping with the traditional 'I want to watch my weight and eat better' resolution I am goign to list a few ways in which I am going to do this. One of them is #3, another is limiting quick meals (frozen pizza, and other frozen meals to heat and eat) to only once per week - and less if we can do it, we both have hectic schedules so this will be a good one to work for. Another is to limit fast food to once per month. This one will be a bit harder and it will force me to plan ahead with my meals.

And surprisingly this is all I could think of. I dont want to overcommit myself, naturally, but I think I should be adding more to this??